Post by countlivin on Apr 23, 2019 4:22:44 GMT
Chapter 7: What If It Were Me
Aura Cantarella
The Haven was only a small grotto in the deep of the woods, yet, it always felt like it was meant for them. Something about the way the sunlight reached through the trees and glimmered prettily off the tiny waterfall beside the spring made it feel like the world was worth living in. Aura knew better. Although, she knew just outside the reaches of Panem, there were more places like this. There were places the Capitol hadn't touched yet.
Aura gazed around as she set foot in the grass after all these years. The area they had nicknamed "The Haven" was rich in plant life. Every type of plant she'd ever known could be found within fifty feet from where she stood, and in the center of it, there was a small freshwater spring with a section of the creek dropping off into a waterfall. She slipped off her shoes and socks. The grass felt like carpeting here.
"Somehow, this place always makes me forget," Cass noted, sitting down on a rock near the spring. "You remember the time you told me you liked to sing, and I got upset at you because you were way better than me?"
"…No," Aura replied, finding another short boulder to sit upon. Most places in these woods were rough and dirty and gray, but their Haven had many good places to sit and think. "Sorry, but that doesn't ring any bells."
"See? This place makes you forget," she joked, and shook her head. "No, but seriously, there was this time when we were thirteen. I had always thought to myself that one day I would be a musical star. One day I'd rise in fame and eventually get to live in the Capitol and meet President Snow."
"I mean, those are pretty realistic aspirations," Aura laughed.
"Yeah, my point exactly." Cass's mood dropped lower and she stuck her fingers in the spring water, making ripples. "I used to tell myself I would get there one day, and my mom and dad would agree with me because they're cute. And then you came along, and everything I knew about singing was shattered."
Aura had never heard this story. "You're a great singer!" she encouraged.
"Well, next to you, I fell flat on my face," Cass sighed. "The first time you opened your mouth, it was the most beautiful thing I'd ever heard. I'm jealous your brothers get to hear you every night."
Aura really didn't know how to respond. She could coddle her friend, but then she would seem arrogant. "Cass, I…"
"You were so good… And then you told me about your father." Cass's face was impassive. "You said that he told you it was your destiny to die in the Hunger Games. And trust me, I thought some pretty nasty things that a thirteen-year-old should not be thinking, but I kept them to myself. I did that because, you seemed to agree with the man… He told you to kill yourself and you just said 'okay.'"
"I was younger," Aura said. "My dad didn't let me actually watch the Games until three years ago. I didn't know what they were about."
"But what I was most upset about," she continued, "it wasn't that you were going off to the Games. It was that you weren't going to be a singer. It was like, one minute I'm thinking I'm a musician, and the next moment someone clearly better arrives, and they're going to die in the arena. How unfair is that?"
"Yeah…"
"Is that weird? Selfish?"
"A bit," Aura said, truthfully, "but understandable. I would've thought the same."
"But my point is, our lives used to be so simple. We had time to worry about what clothes we were going to wear, and what the school lunch was, and who was taking who to the dance. That was all taken away when the Games started. I don't even think it's Panem at all. It's only the Games."
"The Games are what make living here rotten," Aura agreed.
"The Games and Snow." It felt so freeing to loose their tongues at the president without keeping a watchful eye over the shoulder for passing Peacekeepers.
"The Games and Snow," Aura repeated.
"Your voice is just another tally on the long list of things the Capitol has ripped away from us." Cass dipped her toes into the water. It was morbid, but most likely, it was true.
They sat in silence for what felt like an hour, unable to speak. In a week, Aura would be off to what would likely be her death. Dad liked to tell her that the Cantarellas had combat skill in their blood. He told her it gave her a sure advantage. Then he had her watch the recordings of both his and Crispin's Games. She didn't know about Uncle Crispin, but her father survived simply by being in the right place at the right time.
Aura heard a loud splash, and then a squeal as Cass scrunched up into a ball. When Aura turned to see what was going on, her friend was soaking wet. Beside her in the water was another face, wet red bangs hanging over his eyes. Garth grinned huge.
"Garth!" Cass shouted, knowing it was him before even turning around. Perhaps she saw the look on Aura's face, or perhaps she was that good at reading situations.
"C'mon, babe!" he laughed, waving water in Cass's direction. "A little water's not gonna hurt you."
Cass pulled off her shirt and shorts and leapt into the water with her boyfriend. "No, but I'm gonna hurt you!"
"Oh god!" Garth screamed, doggy paddling away. Garth was a tall man, but very skinny, and his face matched. He wore nothing but his shorts, and Aura could see his flannel lying on the rock on the other side of the spring. She didn't even notice him sneak up, nor jump in.
Aura laughed and spun around toward the pool, dipping her toes in the cool spring water. As Cass's head peeked back above the water, she wiped her ebony hair back to the right side of her head and behind her back. Garth waded back to meet her in the center. "Way to take the stress off guys."
"After today, we could use it," Garth replied. "That was really something—what you pulled at the Reaping. You don't… You don't really mean it, do you?"
"Hm?"
"You're not going to volunteer… Are you?"
"I am," she told him. "I have to."
"Wow…" he sighed, his voice sinking lower. "You don't have to now, though. You saw the Head Gamemaker. The District is going to choose. It doesn't have to be you."
"The mayor isn't going to ignore a bold statement like that," Cass reminded him. "She actually might have a better chance now that she did that though. The sponsors will have definitely liked the show."
"I wonder if they were looking at me," Garth laughed. "I was posing for the camera back in my section."
"The other way to win sponsors at the Reaping," Aura fired back. The two of them chuckled back into their earlier light-hearted mood.
"Come on in, Aura," Cass encouraged her. "The water's great. Even warmer than usual."
"I'm fine up here," she replied.
"This may be your last chance to swim here," Garth said. "Come on, it's like your second home." Aura shrugged and he frowned.
The longer she looked at the two of them, dripping in the pool, the more she wanted to jump in, until she stood up and pulled her skirt to her ankles. "Screw it," Aura muttered to herself. He was right. This might be the last time she spent here. She was going to make it count. She jumped into the water in a cannonball, dousing them all. When she rose again, Cass and Garth were standing under the waterfall, letting the water crash down over their heads. She did the same.
"I want today to last forever," she told them.
"I think everyone wants that," Cass agreed.
"Tomorrow I'm going to have to go back and deal with my dad's training again. I'll be doing that almost nonstop until I have to board that monorail," she sighed. "And then, God knows what fresh hell comes after. But today, I'm just going to swim… and relax."
"You've earned it, hon," Cass smiled.
"How do you want to go?" Garth asked abruptly. The question came from nowhere, and the man had stepped out of the waterfall.
"What?" the others chimed simultaneously.
"How do you want to die?" Garth asked. He turned to meet her eyes, and she noticed a kind of hidden pain she'd never noticed in him before. He definitely didn't like to show it. "Because, if I were you, I'd be thinking about it every waking moment…"
"I don't know." Aura stepped out from under the waterfall. The question had caught her off guard. "I suppose I never really thought about how it would happen."
"Me? I'd like to go taking someone else out," Garth replied. "Someone who'd hurt me… like a final act of revenge."
Cass looked worried. "Where did this come from?"
"Ever since I heard Aura shout at the top of her lungs she's going to volunteer, I haven't stopped thinking about it," he said. Of course, he wouldn't have to worry about it anymore. He was nineteen, and above the age limit for the Reaping. "I keep wondering, like, what if it were me? Would I be one of the ones who sticks it out? Perseveres? Cause it sure as hell feels like I'd be too nervous to do it."
Cass sighed. "If it were me, I wouldn't be able to handle it. I feel like, if there's any way to die, it should be your own way. And if it's early on in the Games, so what? There are very few things you'd be able to choose for yourself in that arena. This should be one of them."
Ava had chosen for herself.
"I don't think you can choose how you die," Garth said. "You should try to go as long as you can. Do whatever needs to be done and come out on top. Because you can't give up. You just have to keep going on."
Cass waded to the side and sat up on the rocks. "There's one way you can choose your fate. I know everyone looks down upon those who are killed in the bloodbath, but think how much pain would be avoided. Think how much guilt they didn't have to suffer. They got to die with nothing on their conscience."
"Don't talk like that," Garth frowned. "If you have a chance, you have to take it. What do you think, Aura? You're the one who's actually going into the Games here."
Aura was having trouble deciding whose ideals she agreed with. The way she heard it, Cass thought it was better to die your way, even if that meant giving yourself up. Garth felt as though he would try to stick it out as long as he had the strength. They kept asking "what if it were me?" but they were speaking of her. She peered into the glimmering water of the falls and sat on the rocks beside Cass, and came to her conclusion. She knew there wasn't any other way to look at it.
75% of readers chose to [B. Side with Garth.]
"You can't just give up, Cass," Aura told her. "There's always a way out of everything. Even death. And if there isn't, you make your own. But you can't give up."
She frowned and pulled her legs close to her chest. "I guess you have a bit of your father in you after all."
Aura glared hard at her. That was uncalled for. Garth waved his hand through the water, and splashed water up onto their laps. Aura and Cass both shot him an angry look. "What?" he asked. "We're in the pool."
"Regardless, I'd still prefer you remain in one piece," she said.
"Seconded," Garth added.
Aura chuckled. "Motion carried."
They sat there in the pool until the sun finally started to wane behind the horizon. When it was so dark she couldn't even see the edges of the forest without squinting, she knew her last day with her friends was over. "I should be heading back now. The longer I keep Corvin and Barker waiting, the harder my training's going to be tomorrow."
"Stay a little longer," Garth pleaded. He swam to the other side of the spring, to where Aura was drying off and getting dressed. He stepped into the waterfall and exclaimed, as gallons of water poured onto his head, "Pretend this is your last day on earth! Let's go crazy! Cass, where's the beer?"
Aura slipped her skirt back over her hips, trying to ignore the mud stain on it. "No offense, man, but it may actually be my last day on earth, and I'd like to spend it with my family."
"Fair enough," Garth told her.
Cass walked around the spring to where her own clothes were bundled. When she bent down to pick them up, she came back with tears in her eyes. "Hey, Aura, you know we love you, right?"
She smiled. "I would forget my own name before I forgot that."
"Hey, Aura," Garth said. "When you win and become rich and famous, don't forget about us little people. We deserve a shot too."
Aura chuckled and turned away. "Okay, Garth."
She walked the entrance path they had cleared out years ago and leaned against a tree. She looked over her shoulder and absorbed one last look at the place she had called home for so long, took in the last breath. Tomorrow it will all be gone. She teared up as she spoke. "Goodbye…"
The two of them could only watch her go. There was a huge chance this was the last time she would ever see the two of them, and they knew it too. In a month, Aura would either be dead or a murderer. There wasn't any winning in this.
"Goodbye, Aura," Cass spoke softly, and then she burst into tears. Garth wrapped her in his big, wet arms. He found Aura at the entrance to the Haven and nodded slowly. She knew he meant it as much as Cass.
Aura turned, and finally left the Haven. It was so dark, she could hardly see. She was cold, wet and lonely. She was angry at her father… At her District… She was angry at everything. Once she was only a mile away from home, she couldn't take the stress anymore. She slumped down into the dirt next to a tree, and began to sob into her hands.
She let her collected persona go now that no one was left to judge her. She cried until she had trouble breathing, gasped, and then cried it away again. They were tears she had been holding inside her for a long time, and letting them out felt like flood gates bursting open.
"Why?!" she shouted at the top of her lungs to no one. She knew someone might hear in town, in the market they called the Lumberyard, but at this point she didn't care. She stood up and looked into the evening sky as a cloud floated past the moon. "Why the hell does it have to be me?"
Silence. What did I expect?
As she let her head fall to eye level, she rubbed the buildup from her eyes and found something unusual on a tree next to a dusty path. There was a nail protruding from its bark, and hanging on it, was a framed wooden sign on a yellow string. She'd never seen it here before. She could barely see, but there was just enough light by the moon to make out the picture. On it, was a picture of an owl with its head facing the side.
There was a small wooden trinket hanging from the nail as well as the sign. Aura ripped it off and examined it closer. It was a miniature owl, identical to the one on the sign. It had a yellow beak, horn-like feathers, and a regal appearance. She placed it in the breast pocket of her blouse and found the cursive words written on the sign. They read:
"The Owl sees where the Hawk does not.
The Owl is a friend.
"From, Schrodinger"
End of Chapter 7
Aura Cantarella
The Haven was only a small grotto in the deep of the woods, yet, it always felt like it was meant for them. Something about the way the sunlight reached through the trees and glimmered prettily off the tiny waterfall beside the spring made it feel like the world was worth living in. Aura knew better. Although, she knew just outside the reaches of Panem, there were more places like this. There were places the Capitol hadn't touched yet.
Aura gazed around as she set foot in the grass after all these years. The area they had nicknamed "The Haven" was rich in plant life. Every type of plant she'd ever known could be found within fifty feet from where she stood, and in the center of it, there was a small freshwater spring with a section of the creek dropping off into a waterfall. She slipped off her shoes and socks. The grass felt like carpeting here.
"Somehow, this place always makes me forget," Cass noted, sitting down on a rock near the spring. "You remember the time you told me you liked to sing, and I got upset at you because you were way better than me?"
"…No," Aura replied, finding another short boulder to sit upon. Most places in these woods were rough and dirty and gray, but their Haven had many good places to sit and think. "Sorry, but that doesn't ring any bells."
"See? This place makes you forget," she joked, and shook her head. "No, but seriously, there was this time when we were thirteen. I had always thought to myself that one day I would be a musical star. One day I'd rise in fame and eventually get to live in the Capitol and meet President Snow."
"I mean, those are pretty realistic aspirations," Aura laughed.
"Yeah, my point exactly." Cass's mood dropped lower and she stuck her fingers in the spring water, making ripples. "I used to tell myself I would get there one day, and my mom and dad would agree with me because they're cute. And then you came along, and everything I knew about singing was shattered."
Aura had never heard this story. "You're a great singer!" she encouraged.
"Well, next to you, I fell flat on my face," Cass sighed. "The first time you opened your mouth, it was the most beautiful thing I'd ever heard. I'm jealous your brothers get to hear you every night."
Aura really didn't know how to respond. She could coddle her friend, but then she would seem arrogant. "Cass, I…"
"You were so good… And then you told me about your father." Cass's face was impassive. "You said that he told you it was your destiny to die in the Hunger Games. And trust me, I thought some pretty nasty things that a thirteen-year-old should not be thinking, but I kept them to myself. I did that because, you seemed to agree with the man… He told you to kill yourself and you just said 'okay.'"
"I was younger," Aura said. "My dad didn't let me actually watch the Games until three years ago. I didn't know what they were about."
"But what I was most upset about," she continued, "it wasn't that you were going off to the Games. It was that you weren't going to be a singer. It was like, one minute I'm thinking I'm a musician, and the next moment someone clearly better arrives, and they're going to die in the arena. How unfair is that?"
"Yeah…"
"Is that weird? Selfish?"
"A bit," Aura said, truthfully, "but understandable. I would've thought the same."
"But my point is, our lives used to be so simple. We had time to worry about what clothes we were going to wear, and what the school lunch was, and who was taking who to the dance. That was all taken away when the Games started. I don't even think it's Panem at all. It's only the Games."
"The Games are what make living here rotten," Aura agreed.
"The Games and Snow." It felt so freeing to loose their tongues at the president without keeping a watchful eye over the shoulder for passing Peacekeepers.
"The Games and Snow," Aura repeated.
"Your voice is just another tally on the long list of things the Capitol has ripped away from us." Cass dipped her toes into the water. It was morbid, but most likely, it was true.
They sat in silence for what felt like an hour, unable to speak. In a week, Aura would be off to what would likely be her death. Dad liked to tell her that the Cantarellas had combat skill in their blood. He told her it gave her a sure advantage. Then he had her watch the recordings of both his and Crispin's Games. She didn't know about Uncle Crispin, but her father survived simply by being in the right place at the right time.
Aura heard a loud splash, and then a squeal as Cass scrunched up into a ball. When Aura turned to see what was going on, her friend was soaking wet. Beside her in the water was another face, wet red bangs hanging over his eyes. Garth grinned huge.
"Garth!" Cass shouted, knowing it was him before even turning around. Perhaps she saw the look on Aura's face, or perhaps she was that good at reading situations.
"C'mon, babe!" he laughed, waving water in Cass's direction. "A little water's not gonna hurt you."
Cass pulled off her shirt and shorts and leapt into the water with her boyfriend. "No, but I'm gonna hurt you!"
"Oh god!" Garth screamed, doggy paddling away. Garth was a tall man, but very skinny, and his face matched. He wore nothing but his shorts, and Aura could see his flannel lying on the rock on the other side of the spring. She didn't even notice him sneak up, nor jump in.
Aura laughed and spun around toward the pool, dipping her toes in the cool spring water. As Cass's head peeked back above the water, she wiped her ebony hair back to the right side of her head and behind her back. Garth waded back to meet her in the center. "Way to take the stress off guys."
"After today, we could use it," Garth replied. "That was really something—what you pulled at the Reaping. You don't… You don't really mean it, do you?"
"Hm?"
"You're not going to volunteer… Are you?"
"I am," she told him. "I have to."
"Wow…" he sighed, his voice sinking lower. "You don't have to now, though. You saw the Head Gamemaker. The District is going to choose. It doesn't have to be you."
"The mayor isn't going to ignore a bold statement like that," Cass reminded him. "She actually might have a better chance now that she did that though. The sponsors will have definitely liked the show."
"I wonder if they were looking at me," Garth laughed. "I was posing for the camera back in my section."
"The other way to win sponsors at the Reaping," Aura fired back. The two of them chuckled back into their earlier light-hearted mood.
"Come on in, Aura," Cass encouraged her. "The water's great. Even warmer than usual."
"I'm fine up here," she replied.
"This may be your last chance to swim here," Garth said. "Come on, it's like your second home." Aura shrugged and he frowned.
The longer she looked at the two of them, dripping in the pool, the more she wanted to jump in, until she stood up and pulled her skirt to her ankles. "Screw it," Aura muttered to herself. He was right. This might be the last time she spent here. She was going to make it count. She jumped into the water in a cannonball, dousing them all. When she rose again, Cass and Garth were standing under the waterfall, letting the water crash down over their heads. She did the same.
"I want today to last forever," she told them.
"I think everyone wants that," Cass agreed.
"Tomorrow I'm going to have to go back and deal with my dad's training again. I'll be doing that almost nonstop until I have to board that monorail," she sighed. "And then, God knows what fresh hell comes after. But today, I'm just going to swim… and relax."
"You've earned it, hon," Cass smiled.
"How do you want to go?" Garth asked abruptly. The question came from nowhere, and the man had stepped out of the waterfall.
"What?" the others chimed simultaneously.
"How do you want to die?" Garth asked. He turned to meet her eyes, and she noticed a kind of hidden pain she'd never noticed in him before. He definitely didn't like to show it. "Because, if I were you, I'd be thinking about it every waking moment…"
"I don't know." Aura stepped out from under the waterfall. The question had caught her off guard. "I suppose I never really thought about how it would happen."
"Me? I'd like to go taking someone else out," Garth replied. "Someone who'd hurt me… like a final act of revenge."
Cass looked worried. "Where did this come from?"
"Ever since I heard Aura shout at the top of her lungs she's going to volunteer, I haven't stopped thinking about it," he said. Of course, he wouldn't have to worry about it anymore. He was nineteen, and above the age limit for the Reaping. "I keep wondering, like, what if it were me? Would I be one of the ones who sticks it out? Perseveres? Cause it sure as hell feels like I'd be too nervous to do it."
Cass sighed. "If it were me, I wouldn't be able to handle it. I feel like, if there's any way to die, it should be your own way. And if it's early on in the Games, so what? There are very few things you'd be able to choose for yourself in that arena. This should be one of them."
Ava had chosen for herself.
"I don't think you can choose how you die," Garth said. "You should try to go as long as you can. Do whatever needs to be done and come out on top. Because you can't give up. You just have to keep going on."
Cass waded to the side and sat up on the rocks. "There's one way you can choose your fate. I know everyone looks down upon those who are killed in the bloodbath, but think how much pain would be avoided. Think how much guilt they didn't have to suffer. They got to die with nothing on their conscience."
"Don't talk like that," Garth frowned. "If you have a chance, you have to take it. What do you think, Aura? You're the one who's actually going into the Games here."
Aura was having trouble deciding whose ideals she agreed with. The way she heard it, Cass thought it was better to die your way, even if that meant giving yourself up. Garth felt as though he would try to stick it out as long as he had the strength. They kept asking "what if it were me?" but they were speaking of her. She peered into the glimmering water of the falls and sat on the rocks beside Cass, and came to her conclusion. She knew there wasn't any other way to look at it.
75% of readers chose to [B. Side with Garth.]
"You can't just give up, Cass," Aura told her. "There's always a way out of everything. Even death. And if there isn't, you make your own. But you can't give up."
She frowned and pulled her legs close to her chest. "I guess you have a bit of your father in you after all."
Aura glared hard at her. That was uncalled for. Garth waved his hand through the water, and splashed water up onto their laps. Aura and Cass both shot him an angry look. "What?" he asked. "We're in the pool."
"Regardless, I'd still prefer you remain in one piece," she said.
"Seconded," Garth added.
Aura chuckled. "Motion carried."
They sat there in the pool until the sun finally started to wane behind the horizon. When it was so dark she couldn't even see the edges of the forest without squinting, she knew her last day with her friends was over. "I should be heading back now. The longer I keep Corvin and Barker waiting, the harder my training's going to be tomorrow."
"Stay a little longer," Garth pleaded. He swam to the other side of the spring, to where Aura was drying off and getting dressed. He stepped into the waterfall and exclaimed, as gallons of water poured onto his head, "Pretend this is your last day on earth! Let's go crazy! Cass, where's the beer?"
Aura slipped her skirt back over her hips, trying to ignore the mud stain on it. "No offense, man, but it may actually be my last day on earth, and I'd like to spend it with my family."
"Fair enough," Garth told her.
Cass walked around the spring to where her own clothes were bundled. When she bent down to pick them up, she came back with tears in her eyes. "Hey, Aura, you know we love you, right?"
She smiled. "I would forget my own name before I forgot that."
"Hey, Aura," Garth said. "When you win and become rich and famous, don't forget about us little people. We deserve a shot too."
Aura chuckled and turned away. "Okay, Garth."
She walked the entrance path they had cleared out years ago and leaned against a tree. She looked over her shoulder and absorbed one last look at the place she had called home for so long, took in the last breath. Tomorrow it will all be gone. She teared up as she spoke. "Goodbye…"
The two of them could only watch her go. There was a huge chance this was the last time she would ever see the two of them, and they knew it too. In a month, Aura would either be dead or a murderer. There wasn't any winning in this.
"Goodbye, Aura," Cass spoke softly, and then she burst into tears. Garth wrapped her in his big, wet arms. He found Aura at the entrance to the Haven and nodded slowly. She knew he meant it as much as Cass.
Aura turned, and finally left the Haven. It was so dark, she could hardly see. She was cold, wet and lonely. She was angry at her father… At her District… She was angry at everything. Once she was only a mile away from home, she couldn't take the stress anymore. She slumped down into the dirt next to a tree, and began to sob into her hands.
She let her collected persona go now that no one was left to judge her. She cried until she had trouble breathing, gasped, and then cried it away again. They were tears she had been holding inside her for a long time, and letting them out felt like flood gates bursting open.
"Why?!" she shouted at the top of her lungs to no one. She knew someone might hear in town, in the market they called the Lumberyard, but at this point she didn't care. She stood up and looked into the evening sky as a cloud floated past the moon. "Why the hell does it have to be me?"
Silence. What did I expect?
As she let her head fall to eye level, she rubbed the buildup from her eyes and found something unusual on a tree next to a dusty path. There was a nail protruding from its bark, and hanging on it, was a framed wooden sign on a yellow string. She'd never seen it here before. She could barely see, but there was just enough light by the moon to make out the picture. On it, was a picture of an owl with its head facing the side.
There was a small wooden trinket hanging from the nail as well as the sign. Aura ripped it off and examined it closer. It was a miniature owl, identical to the one on the sign. It had a yellow beak, horn-like feathers, and a regal appearance. She placed it in the breast pocket of her blouse and found the cursive words written on the sign. They read:
"The Owl sees where the Hawk does not.
The Owl is a friend.
"From, Schrodinger"
End of Chapter 7